Favorite time of the day

Bathies!!!

We love it. We put on music (Kelly Clarkson's Stronger is on right now), rock out, draw on the walls with strawberry scented bath crayons, and pretend we're mermaids... Okay, maybe the last part I do when I take a bath.

Anyway, it's the time of the day we both look forward to. Layla runs into the bathroom as soon as she hears the water running and wiggles around in anticipation (aka tries to climb into the tub). And before we know it, she looks like this...

Letters to Layla

Happy 14 months, pipsqueak!

Let's go over everything you do:

You yell at the cats when they don't scratch their post. You literally point your finger and tell them how it is. Yesterday you pointed your finger at me when I interrupted you talking. I apologize for interrupting you and clearly need to learn to stop pointing my finger when I talk.

You change the channel on the TV. Mostly to infomercials. Mostly when I'm trying to watch Jersey Shore reruns. It's ok, silly girl. I know you think Ron and Sam suck too. Yo Gabba Gabba is your FAVORITE, but you only watch it in the car. Actually, unless we're in the car you don't watch much TV. That makes me proud. You love your piano and books and a good metal pot and wooden spoon. You're a scholar, I think.

Music. You live and breathe for it. As soon as you hear it you're dancing. We play music for you in the tub during bath time and during the day when we're just bored. A good song on Pandora will keep you still for a diaper change. It's amazing the power it had over you and I seriously cannot wait till I can put you in ballet.

You decided a few days ago that maybe you'd finally like to WALK!!!!! 14 months. I swore you'd walk at 10. Shit, did you prove me wrong. You still crawl here and there but get up to chase you balloon... Or a cat.

Miss Layla, you've become such a big girl in a short period of time. You're an independent creature with a temper the size of Texas. You're feisty and firey. You're amazing :)

How to fail as a mom 101

First off, I've been feeling like shit covered shit lately. That makes me a moody bitch. If feeling like asshole doesn't make you a moody bitch, congrats! You suck. And you're probably lying.

Moving on - since Layla turned one she's decided that whining is her new hobby. I can't put her down without her having a full freak out session complete with screams like I'm about to leave her. This means my house is a hotmess and I smell because I haven't showered. She also refuses to nap which makes a cranky toddler even crankier. Awe-some! Toddler for sale - priced to sell.

To keep her sitting still for longer then a fucking half a nano-second, I bust out the cookies. This is how I know I suck at raising another human life: I feel myself about to lose my temper so I sugar my kid up! Makes perfect effing sense. Cranky kid who won't nap? A sugar high will fix that! But Jesus, it's 2pm and I still need to brush my teeth.

I've also used what some call baby jail (aka crib) to put her in when I feel like I'm about to become another E! True Hollywood story on mom's who go ape shit. Today happened to be one of those days.

Is it too early for a glass of wine?

#motherhood

Every now and then you realize you're a parent and think to yourself holyeffingshit who thought THAT was a good idea?

The awkward moments of motherhood help those realizations. You know, the awkward moment when there's a brown smudge on your shirt and you think to yourself... Is that chocolate or poop? And because you're a mom and shit (literally and figuratively) doesn't bother you anymore, you smell said smudge and realize.. Haha! It's just chocolate! And go about your business singing the theme song to The Wonder Pets while folding laundry.

Speaking of The Wonder Pets... I found myself today watching them while L was in the kitchen tearing apart my newly & neatly stacked tupperwear cabinet. But I had to freaking find out what happened to the baby skunk under the fucking rose bush because I'm COOL LIKE THAT.

Then to save my sanity I turn on Jersey Shore reruns and over comes L and props herself infront of the TV just as Snooki gets into bed with Vinny. Parenting win. Win win win.

Who gave me permission to own a child?

Spanking

I've had run-of-the-mill writers block lately. What to blog about? What's interesting? What's happening? What will keep readers attention? What is going on in my life that isn't boring or all omg my life is so freaking fabulous. do you want to see a million pictures and read nonsense about my family. i know you do because OMG MY LIFE IS FABULOUS. I want my blog to have substance, to teach, & be for me to collect my thoughts and ultimately learn (HELLO, have I not written that like 15 times since I started this thing!?) So, here is an interesting little topic that I just thought of while watching Layla 'grocery shop' - aka push her Bumbo seat around the house while picking random items and putting them into the seat part of the Bumbo.

Spanking.

Sensitive topic, much? Maybe on the line with vaccines, working mom vs stay at home moms, & breastfeeding in public? Probably, but here goes nothing:

I was spanked as a kid. I was also chased up steps, had shoes throw at me (Ok, just once. On Christmas day and I don't even remember why), and was threatened (constantly by my grandfather Saverio [told you we're Italian] while he sat with a glass of wine) by the obligatory Italian wooden spoon. For some reason I vowed to myself to NOT spank my children. I suppose for a while I thought it was not an effective form of discipline, and to be honest, I still am not 100% sure it is. Either way, lately I've found that the only way to get my point across to Layla is to give her a gentle tap on the hand. We're still battling the GET OUT OF THE CAT FOOD, LAYLA! fight & Mr G and I seem to be losing .... to a 14 month old. She knows damn well that she should not be in the bowl. When I give her a stern no she looks at me and smiles. A few days ago after being told no a few times, she went back to the bowl and tipped it upside down. Cat food all.over.the.floor. Toddler? I think so.

What else is a mother to do? Frustrations are high, child won't listen, and it seems like the only way to make that no stick is to show you mean business. I'm not one for smacks across the face, or going out to the tree in the back yard and picking your own branch. But it does seem that I will resort to a tap on the hand to emphasize my point. I have no idea if this is shit parenting or not, but at some point Layla will realize that she cannot get away with everything & that no... well, means NO.

Yep. I'm one of "those" moms.

And I'm proud of it.

I try not to be preachy. I try not to force my opinions down your throat. I get and live by the idea of what works for you is best.

But let me be clear and frank:

I'm pro breast feeding. Regardless of what works for another mom, boob is always always always best. It's what nature intended. If you can't nurse or don't like to because it'll turn your perky twins into saggy pillow cases, no sweat off my back. Just don't stare me down in Chilis while in my child is hiding under a blanket having dinner. Look away fool. Concentrate on your fajitas and it'll be okay.

By the way, I supplemented with formula after my boobs decided they didn't like the pump. So I had no choice really, being a working mom and all, to give my kid what I tried so hard to not give her. But that is beside the point because ...

Who gives a flying monkey ass what other mothers are doing?! I breastfed. I cosleep. I have my kid on a delayed vaccination schedule (which, by the way, has NOTHING to do with your kid).

Concern your self, regardless of your beliefs, with YOUR CHILDREN. The world will be a much better place.

Seriously.