Patience

This is a confession Wednesday type post because I need to spill the beans.

Some days my patience is really thin. Days like today were Layla didn't sleep well the night before and when she flat out refuses to nap and wants to be held 24/7. A sleepy baby is a clingy baby and a clingy baby can drive mommy up the wall.

When I get to this point of having to remove my self from her screams (which has been more and more throughout the day), I feel like a failure. I feel like I should never ever feel the way I'm feeling, which in turn makes me feel worse. How can I let my child scream in her crib when she so desperately needs me? But ... I can't do it all day, every day. I need ME time. To be a good mom I need ME time and during the day (and even at night when hubs is home), I very rarely get it. I'm on call 24/7. My house has gone to the dogs (or... cats?), as it hasn't been vacuumed in over a week and I JUST mopped this morning for the first time in like ten days. There is laundry everywhere and while this is ridiculously vane, I'm in desperate need of a pedicure. I find my self running out the door on a Saturday or Sunday when I go to work just to escape the reality of what is here. What mother does that? What mother wants to escape the reality of her child? ::sigh::

So, I sit here while LG is in her stroller crying trying to find a place of zen and the groceries sit on the floor of the kitchen. I love being a mom, don't get me wrong, but sometimes I need a break and I HATE HATE HATE saying that. It brings me to tears.