I fight like a girl.

No, really I do.

March is an important month. Why you ask? Well, March is Endometriosis awareness month. Part of this blog (beside pimping {not literally} out my child - and HELLO, isn't she the cutest?) was to document my fight with this disease. It has been a long and difficult road - actually, more like a roller coaster. So many ups, downs & loops. I suppose that happens with every disease, though.

What is Endometriosis? In a nut shell, your uterus is lined with a tissue called the endometrium. Each month a woman's body builds this lining up in anticipation for a fertilized egg. When an egg is not fertilized and does not attach to the endometrium, you get your period. In some instances this lining grows outside of the uterus causing adhesions. Each month when a woman gets her period these adhesions are stimulated, swelling and often bleeding. The process is progressive and tends to get worse with each month. The symptoms are rough: painful and many times debilitating periods, painful sex, painful bowel movements, lower back pain... and that's just to name a few. The ONLY (and I cannot stress that enough) way to diagnose Endometriosis is by laparoscopic surgery. It's fairly non-evasive, but that also can vary on a case to case basis and depending on how bad/how much scar tissue there is built up.

The big issue with this disease is that it is not widely known. Endometriosis hasn't killed anyone, though it has broken many many women. Including myself ....


When I was 18 I had my first ruptured cyst. It was the size of a golf ball. I woke up at 3am and literally crawled up the steps and army crawled to my mothers room. I could barely breathe let alone speak I was in so much pain. After that, I had at least two-three ruptured cysts for the next two years before an OB/GYN said, "Something isn't right."I wanted to scream, "YOU THINK?!" No one believed me. No one believed how much pain I was in every month. Doctor after doctor said it was normal. That it was because I was young. They said, no big deal - you have painful periods...here is some birth control. So when I finally found someone who listened, a weight was lifted off my shoulders. Unfortunately that weight was shortly put back on. I was diagnosed with stage two Endometriosis. He went on to describe how Endo causes infertility and most women end with hysterectomies. It's funny - all you want when you feel like crap is a diagnosis. You want to know what the hell is wrong with you and what you have to do to feel better, but when the diagnosis is a bad one ... you feel just as alone, afraid & lost as you did before.

Fast forward 12 months. I meet Mr G. I had been on continuous birth control (aka no periods ) for two years. 24 months. NO period. Some women would say, "OMG! How lucky are you?!" Not so much. I gained and lost a shit ton of weight (I was a human yo-yo). My skin was crap. I was tired allllllllllllllllll the time, not to mention in pain nearly 24/7. I might as well have tattooed 'FML' across my forehead. Mr G became a support system really fast. He took care of me. Made me feel better when I just wanted to throw my hands up and quit. After we had been dating about 6 months I went to the doctor after not being able to pee. I swear, I think I understand what it feels like for guys with an inflamed prostate. Good grief. The doctor I saw said that Endo was probably back and he felt a fairly large adhesion during an exam. When your GYN feels your adhesions you know you're in trouble. Oddly enough, that doctor refused surgery. Told me I was too young (this, btw, was the theme for a while).
Six months, a move 2 hours north with Mr G for school and a few doctors later (including one the "best" {I use "" because he sucked} reproductive endocrinologists at a VERY prominent medical university here), I found a doctor who would preform a lap.

He preformed a lap, told me I was lucky I came to him when I did, as the Endo was so bad I had gone from a stage two to a stage four in almost two years, & that I should have had one a year ago (well, duh - I tried). I remember quite vividly sitting in his office as he read the post-op reports. I remember him saying he found Endo on my bowels and bladder but left it because he wasn't trained to remove adhesions there. He told me my fertility was in danger and that having babies naturally would be very difficult. He told me I'd need a hysterectomy by 30 ... I was just 24 .... He put me on a host of different drugs. I went on a POP - progesterone one pill - and gained a whopping 20lbs. I might add that the drug didn't work. When Mr G and I moved back home 16 months later I was in bad shape. I started running fevers every month - 102*-103*... the ER wouldn't let me leave one night because they were afraid I was going to have a seizer. Again, no doctor would listen to me. I might add that in this time span I came off ALL medications and was regularly getting my period. Mr G and I were not using any protection... what-so-ever. We weren't trying to get pregnant, per se, but we weren't not trying. Our thought process was, well, if they say we can't get pregnant - let's just have a good time.

FINALLY we found a doctor who would REALLY listen. My third lap was terrible, so bad so I needed a bowel surgeon present. Both doctors removed a host of Endo that had basically taken over my abdomen and most of my bowels. I had the top of my rectum removed and was told by the bowel surgeon that he did everything in his power to save my bowels, but had I wanted just a few months more for surgery, I probably would've needed a resection. I stayed over night in the hospital on a morphine drip and lost nearly 20lbs in 5 days (I wasn't allowed to eat ANYTHING solid). This doctor put me on a drug called Lupron. It causes you to go into a medically induced menopause (and was originally for prostate cancer patients). I was on this for three months... and HOLY CRAP - I was a crazy women. Mr G and I were knee deep in planning a wedding and my ass was menopausal. I had hot flashes, massive mood swings & hated my own existence. Mr G and I nearly split on more than one occasion. Thankfully we got through it...

Just when the Lupron was starting to wear off, Mr G and I really started to contemplate the future of our fertility. Should I freeze eggs? Should we adopt? What was the game plan. So we took the post-op report to a local reproductive endocrinologist. He did an exam, went through my medical files & sat us down ... he said he'd give me 6 months to try and conceive naturally but that it was highly unlikely we would - not to mention extremely dangerous with the history of endo on my bowels, and since my body started with the fevers again, it was probable that my body was killing it's own eggs. We took everything he said into consideration and decided that I'd do another round of Lurpon to prevent the endometriosis from returning. The idea of a bowel resection of a little more scary than me being a psycho-crazy person. I had to wait till I got my period, and besides my doctor was about 2 hours north, so Mr G and I hadn't made an appointment. For a good four days I thought I was going to get my period and never did. Out of sheer curiosity one morning I took a pregnancy test ... it was positive.

Mr G and I conceived on the first ovulation off Lupron. No idea how... but we did. This little ball of cells survived that...she also survived a 103* fever. She survived. Mr G and I cried that night... we sat, hands on my belly and just cried. We cried happy tears, worried tears... flat out scared tears. Is this true? Miscarriage rates are higher for women with endo, as are ectopic pregnancies, but everything seemed fine - thankfully. 9 months later we had Layla Grace ... our dark beauty, our small Grace of God. She is precious in every single way. More than we could ask for. She is our fighter... We fought for her and she fought for us.

This is my story. Everyone has one. I don't think it's over, but right now I'm content. Breastfeeding is keeping my period at bay and if we can keep it that way for another year, that'd be amazing. So my endometriosis is at a halt, but I know it's lingering - sitting on the back-burner of my uterus. But she's a strong ute. She's defied odds and conquered. We won last time... and we will win again and again.

I know this disease may seem so trivial. How can periods be THAT painful? But they are. Endometriosis suffers are very rarely heard & there are some-odd 89 million of us. Even as the disease is diagnosed more and more... we are still left to suffer in pain on our own. All we want is a chance to fight. Endometriosis may not be a disease that kills, but it is a disease that breaks... it breaks homes, strength & most of all, it breaks hearts.


If you are interested in more information about Endometriosis, here are some links:
Endometriosis Foundation
Endometriosis