1.) It's 2:30 in the afternoon and I started cleaning at 10. All I've finished is my bedroom, bathroom and half of the laundry. I've learned that there are never enough hours in the day. Whatever doesn't get done today will get done tomorrow. That statement is a never-ending cycle, by the way.
2.) Babies produce more dirty laundry than your husband.
3.) Children are always far better dressed than their ponytail-sweatpant-clad mothers. I think it's because by the time we get to ourselves we're just too tired to give a shit. Funny thing? We don't care! At least my sweatpants are Juicy.
4.) I'm currently covered in spit-up. I still don't give a shit.
5.) For those that are expecting, don't be surprised and/or worried when your child's crib becomes storage.
6.) You will get up in the middle of updating your blog to soothe your crying infant. The cat sitting on your lap will hate you.
7.) Boobs are no longer two beautiful sexual objects. No, no. They are mountains of milk. If you intend on breastfeeding don't be surprised when you have a nipslip in the middle of dinner with your inlaws and not really care.
8.) Don't expect anything to be about you anymore. Even though you pushed 7lbs 12oz out of your vag... the world no longer revolves around you.
9.) Husbands can apparently sleep through anything. This includes colic, blow out diapers, projectile spit-up and the end of the world. Punching him as he snores will only result in him rolling over.
10.) Not all children take pacifiers. Layla hates her pacifier. Wait, hate is a strong word. She strongly dislikes her pacifier. Especially when she figures out that nothing comes out of it. What does she like? She likes to use my boobs (to the dismay of my nipples) to soothe herself. For the love of all nipples, I hope your child takes a paci.
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